Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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