I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
