the condom got lost in my hair
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had sex on a roof
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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