you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
