I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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