Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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