are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
