I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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