Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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