you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
