i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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