1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
