Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
