it was like eating out sand paper
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
