I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
