Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
