i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
