How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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