I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
