Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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