I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
