I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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