I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
