I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
