She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
