I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
