oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
