sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
