I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
