I got chris browned last night
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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