We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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