We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
