if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
