So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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