its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
