Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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