There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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