New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
