i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
