i don't like sucking hair
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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