Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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