Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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