I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
