So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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