3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
