I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
