I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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