ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dick very happy bro
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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