at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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