So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
