The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
