You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
